Embracing Humanity: A Deep Dive into Selfishness, Selflessness, and Authentic Living | Taiwanica Podcast

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Who knew that our 75th episode at Taiwanica Podcast would turn into such a soul-searching journey? Anita and I never imagined that our celebration would lead us down the path of dissecting selfishness and selflessness, concepts that have haunted and challenged every one of us. This particular dance of interests—balancing our own needs with the weight of societal expectations—is something that hits close to home for both of us. As we share our personal narratives, with me bringing an American perspective on individualism and Anita considering her Taiwanese roots and familial obligations, we hope to shed light on this universal struggle.

The nuances of attending a friend's birthday or the commitment seen in careers like medicine and firefighting might seem worlds apart, yet they converge on the same dilemma: how do we honor our own needs without neglecting those of others? We're all familiar with the guilt that creeps in when we choose ourselves over someone else, but what if there's a way to craft a solution that benefits everyone involved? That's the conversation we're bringing to the table—practical wisdom for creating scenarios where no one has to lose.

To cap things off, we dive into the concept of self-value, and how it shouldn't be overshadowed by our drive to serve others. Anita opens up about her struggle with self-care amidst the pressure of familial duty, offering insights into how setting boundaries has become her act of rebellion and self-preservation. And as your hosts, we're excited to tease the idea of an upcoming deep dive into personal values—because learning to live authentically, aligning with what truly matters to us, just might be the key to resolving the age-old conflict between self-interest and selflessness. So join us, as we embrace the full spectrum of what it means to be human, right here on Taiwanica Podcast.

誰能想到我們在《Taiwanica Podcast》的第75集會成為如此深入反思的旅程呢？安妮塔和我從未想過我們的慶祝會將我們引向探討自私和無私的道路，這些概念一直困擾並挑戰著我們每個人。利益的這種特定舞蹈──平衡自身需求與社會期望的重量──對我們兩個都是深有感觸的。當我們分享個人故事時，我以美國人的個人主義觀點，安妮塔則考慮她的台灣根源和家庭責任，我們希望能為這個普世之爭帶來新的光明。

參加朋友生日的微妙之處，以及醫學和消防等職業中所見的承諾，看似天差地遠，但它們在同一個困境上匯聚：我們如何滿足自身需求而不忽視他人的需求？當我們選擇自己而非他人時，內心總會充滿罪惡感，但如果有一種方法可以制定使每個人都受益的解決方案呢？這正是我們要討論的話題──創造出沒有人必須輸的情境的實用智慧。

最後，我們深入探討自我價值的概念，以及它不應被我們服務他人的驅動所掩蓋。安妮塔談到她在家庭責任壓力下的自我關懷困境，提供了關於如何設定界限成為她的反叛行為和自我保護的見解。作為主持人，我們很高興地預告即將深入探討個人價值觀的想法──因為學會真實地生活，與真正重要的事情保持一致，或許才是解決自利和無私之間古老衝突的關鍵。所以，加入我們，在《Taiwanica Podcast》中擁抱成為人的整個光譜。

Chapters

• 0:03 Exploring Selfishness and Selflessness
• 12:25 Balancing Selflessness and Selfishness
• 23:41 Balancing Selflessness and Self-Value
• 30:38 Exploring Self-Value and Authenticity

Transcript

Eric: 0:03

This is Episode 75, talking about selfishness and how it affects you on a daily life. What's up everybody. Welcome back to Taiwanica Podcast. My name is Eric, one of the hosts here, and I am proud to announce and celebrate the 75th episode, a huge milestone for Taiwanica. And to celebrate it with me is the other wonderful host, anita. What's up.

Anita: 0:34

Hello everybody, my name is Anita. Welcome back to Taiwanica. Thank you all. So much for all the listenings and support. Without you we wouldn't make it through 75 episodes. It's a big deal. Thank you all.

Eric: 0:49

It is, it is. We have gone through a lot in this journey a lot of changes, a lot of tears, a lot of laughter. But here is to the next 75 episodes of Taiwanica. Yes, we are proud to keep on going because of all of your positive support throughout all of this.

Eric: 1:06

So, now that we have celebrated the change and the big moments of Taiwanica, we're going to stop being selfish for a second and go ahead and dive into today's episode, which is all about this key word that everyone knows about but not really know what it means, right?

Anita: 1:29

Yes, the re will be a general idea. Like we know, when we've been called that we don't necessarily happy about it. But today we will be sharing some other aspects, like from the deeper level. Yes. So it's very inspiring my personal opinion, so I can't wait to share to all of you.

Eric: 1:50

Absolutely. Me too. This word has been something that growing up has been difficult for, I think, many people. But when you really get a grasp of what actually is selfishness and its counterpart, its friend selflessness, which we'll also be talking about in this episode, you really get an idea that selfishness actually has value, and also selflessness has its value to some degree, and so we're going to help you understand these points as best as we can with the knowledge that we have learned. So we're really excited for you to understand this information, really excited for you to understand this information. Make sure you stay tuned until the very end of this episode, because one of the most important parts of understanding this information will be explained there by itself. So we're really excited about this. Let's go ahead and dive on in. We're going to start broad with selfishness. Anita, what do you think, in your experience as a Taiwanese and as a woman, what is selfishness?

Anita: 3:08

Well, basically it's do something for yourself. Only that's selfish. Grew up in a family that's all about self being selfless.

Anita: 3:18

You know the mother that you saw. The mother figure devoted her entire life to the family and she kept on repeating, like when she was young she had those dreams but she was never able to achieve them because she chose to be a mother. So this idea family values keep on repeating in our head, just like a record playing in our head, just automatically engraving in our brains, like a record playing our heads, automatically engraving our brains like selfish is bad, selfless is good because you serve others, you sacrifice yourself. Okay, but when I grew up, I've been called selfish from my mother a few time and I, when I was being called selfish, I was actually feel very guilty and believe that I am a selfish person, Right. So selfish basically is just do the things for yourself.

Eric: 4:17

Okay, what's an example of that?

Anita: 4:18

Okay, After I graduate from university, I choose to move out from my parents' house to raise myself you know, like make the income and raise myself and to live the lifestyle that I want and instead of stay home, give money to my parents, raise them, stay as a family. So once I made a decision to do the things I really want for myself, my mother called me selfish. So throughout the whole time I've been thinking selfish is a bad thing. But now, at this point, when I look at my life, I had no regrets about making those decisions and I actually are doing the things I really want and I put in an effort to it. So for me, selfish is not necessarily a bad thing.

Eric: 5:11

Okay, but in your society, and especially in your family, being selfish in this way is considered wrong.

Anita: 5:21

It's wrong. So that's the broad idea. Most people think about selfish as a bad thing.

Eric: 5:27

Okay, I just want to take that idea and then bring it into an American point of view and I'm going to represent men in the United States. Okay, so selfishness in the United States is part of our culture. It's being individualized as a person inside the United States is how we grow up. We are designed to be independent. That's what our whole aspect of life is. But and this is a big but being individual and independent has its benefits as an American has its benefits as an American.

Eric: 6:10

But we still have this idea that if we do too much on our own, without considering others not specifically our family, but more inside of our circle of friends or our work and the aspects that we have to be involved involved in we can easily be afraid of being selfish, which is taken to the aspect of, instead of not being able to do the actions that we want to do, it's more about how do we represent ourselves inside of those groups.

Eric: 6:38

So, if I want to, for example in the united states, if I'm in a circle of friends and I want to do the only like the activities that I want to do Like, so, for example, when I was younger, I really loved to skateboard longboard and some of my friends really don't like doing that. They said hey, Eric, let's go like play video games or let's go watch a movie. I'd be like, no, I would rather longboard. I'd be like, no, I would rather longboard. They would consider me selfish at some point because if they came and did longboarding with me many times but I didn't go and do their activity, then I would be considered selfish. So it's a give and take kind of aspect with selfishness in the United States, but with family usually it's not that case, which I think is a little bit different from Taiwan. It's that in the United States generally we want you to leave.

Eric: 7:34

We want you to get out, yeah, and I think the reason for that is because we want you to grow, right. But the thing is is, at the same time, the parents want you out. So when's? But the thing is is, at the same time, the parents want you out. So when you consider the parents selfish in this situation because they're like I'm done being a parent, you know, go out and do your own thing, right. So this is the thing, though. Right is that? Because if you look at it from the perspective of everyone, right? You would think that the parents are being selfish here, throwing out an 18 year old kid into the middle of nowhere. Yeah, they don't have any ability, skills or anything. You're like, you're on your own, but mom, close the door.

Eric: 8:15

It's like that. That's happened, you know it's like you're 18, you're done, and that's in some people's points of view, on a general level, that is selfish, exactly Right, and so that's a in some people's points of view on a general level that is selfish. Exactly Right, and so that's a very interesting perspective. That's a little bit different.

Anita: 8:29

Right yeah, Because you know Asian family, like in Asian culture, families, is everything.

Anita: 8:36

It's the most important thing. So we always emphasize the unity inside a family, right? So you know, everybody in the family is selfless and that's good. If someone is doing something for their own purpose or for their own good, that's selfish. Yeah, right. So after we explained the general idea and the broad idea, we wanted to dive into the deeper level. Yeah, right. So, based on my story, like I said, if you do things in your own way for your own happiness, good. If you should say that for your own good, then that's selfish. So, based on my understanding of this word, my past experience and the culture I grew up, I would say selfish is not 100% the bad thing and you should look at selfish and selfless not just black and white, not just right or wrong. It's about how you choose and how do we choose. It's based on our personal value, would you say so?

Eric: 9:38

Absolutely, and that's something that I think we should definitely dive in deeper with the self-value in a moment here, but one of the things that I would like to bring up is that separation of selfish and selfless, that black and white that you just mentioned.

Eric: 9:52

The big thing that a lot of people think is that if I'm not being selfish, therefore I am selfless. Right, it's one or another. You're jumping from that side to the other side. There is nothing in between, and that's just not the truth. The truth is is that there's this huge gray zone in the middle.

Anita: 10:12

The two words itself is gray zones. Two big gray zones.

Eric: 10:15

Yes, exactly they are. They are their own gray zones, right, but in reality they are opposites. In this point, and the point that I'm trying to bring up here is that if you believe that you are selfless when someone else is being selfish, this is not necessarily the case. You have to realize one big thing Selfishness is about understanding your self-value.

Eric: 10:42

Selflessness means that you understand your self-value to the point that you don't care about it anymore and you are doing something that might be outside of yourself in order to help the greater good, right. So these two aspects are very important to understand holistically all around, because in some situations, doing one is going to be very important and the other one is going to also be very important. But you have to know the root, and the root is the self, right. That's why they're in both of the words. It's in selfish and selfless. What's the key word here? Self right. So if we understand what the self is, we'll be able to really understand this on a greater value level. But right now, I want to just dive in a bit more of some examples that we can share about when is it okay to be selfish? Okay, do you have any examples that you'd like to share?

Anita: 11:44

Well, like we mentioned right, For example, if my friend has like a birthday party, you know, as a good friend, I should be joining their birthday party, but it just so happened that day. I don't feel like myself.

Anita: 11:59

I would like to take some time just for myself. Even I don't do anything, I just stay home, you know, play with my son or read some books, drink a cup of tea. Just take some time for myself. I just don't feel like I wanted to go to my friend's birthday. Is that selfish? Yes, it is, I would say so.

Anita: 12:19

Maybe this friend was really, you know, very looking forward to see me in his or her birthday party. Well, maybe this friend, you know, celebrated my birthday party, celebrated my birthday before, but on that day I just made the decision to be selfish because I know if today I force myself to do the things as unwillingly which join the birthday party, I wouldn't be engaged in the way as authentic self, I wouldn't be as joyful as I should be at that occasion and I might just start complaining about oh my God, why am I wasting my time? Or started to pick up the things I can complain about? Just because this resentment I have towards myself, because I didn't make the decision for myself first, I forced myself, against my personal will, to do this thing, just so I cannot be called selfish. Right.

Anita: 13:19

And then I have the whole resentment, maybe towards to my friends.

Eric: 13:23

Yeah, you build this negativity towards them.

Anita: 13:25

Exactly so. When you started to feel the negative emotion towards to either selfish or selfless behavior, that's when you started to pay more attention to it.

Eric: 13:39

So expanding on your example, because I think it's very clear on understanding what is selfishness, is that by you not going to the party or the occasion, that you know that there is going to be a consequence, but irregardless of that consequence, you believe that if you are being selfish in this moment, you're actually doing something that is more authentic to yourself rather than worrying about the result that is going to happen to the other person. Right? So that's why I think this is the word selfishness. Right, because you're focusing completely on the self. Right, you're not worried about the other person or the scenario that happens there. Right, and that's a choice. That's a choice that you made. And so let's say, on the other hand, you do go to that party, even though you don't want to go. This is an act of selflessness, right? Yeah, and so what would be the benefit made here?

Anita: 14:45

I showed up as my friend wanted and I'd be part of the he's or her birthday party, as the other person wanted, and that's it.

Eric: 14:57

So the benefit is completely outside of yourself. Exactly, selflessness, yes, right, so you are doing something completely for someone else, irregardless of how you feel within, exactly. So there is a benefit of doing that in some scenarios not this scenario, not the one that you just mentioned, but in other scenarios there could be. Some examples that I can think of are like being a doctor, and especially doctors who work in third world countries like Africa. Okay, they are completely doing that from a selfless point of view. They're not making a lot of money, they're not gaining a lot of benefits, they're not living in a nice house. The thing that they're gaining in this selfless action is to help others completely. Firefighters is another great example. They're risking their entire lives to help other people by saving them from fire. Right, this is another selfless act, right? So in these examples that we can see, there's no sense of selfishness that we can clearly see. Right, but do you believe that inside them there is any selfishness at all? Definitely, definitely. What is that them?

Anita: 16:13

there is any selfishness at all. Definitely, Definitely. What is that? Our actions, life choices, big, small career or act on your self-preference. We have this selfish tendency. Those people, you said it right selfless behavior, but their intention, what was their intention?

Anita: 16:32

They must enjoy what they were doing right, that's where the selfishness comes in, exactly so their life decision, for most of people, which is general idea, is selfless, but their intention, they must have been enjoying doing it and it's good. That's good. They're being selfish about choosing those life career they want, right. So this is a perfect balance, which is the idea I wanted to brought up. It's no good or bad, it's just about balance. So today, if you, you know, being a doctor, firefighter, for most people think it's selfless because they put their life into, you know, in other scenarios or in other people's hands, like third world country, you don't know what would happen, but they act on it because they can get self, you know, sense of achievement or sense of fulfillment, whatever that is. That's their selfishness. So this is a perfect balance.

Anita: 17:31

So, they should coexist in this case in this case, right.

Eric: 17:35

So this is where the key word that we're going to bring up is how they understand themselves. Right, the self once again, like they, these kind of people who are doing these actions, hopefully right like maybe they don't know, but ideally they are understanding who their self is and that they understand their self, then they are capable of making actions that will not only be beneficial for themselves, but simultaneously being helpful for others, and this is the key word that I wanted to bring up today, which is called a win-win-win scenario. What's a win-win-win scenario, anita?

Anita: 18:19

You know, we usually say win-win Right. I said three though.

Eric: 18:23

Yeah, it's not win-win, it's a win-win-win Three wins.

Anita: 18:28

So basically, when we are having a conversation that conflicts, like we have settled the idea when. What is our next vacation location, for example, yeah, I want to go to France, you wanted to go to Russia?

Eric and Anita: 18:41

God, I do not want to go to Russia, just for the record. Yes, I do not want to go.

Eric: 18:49

Oh hey, russians are great. They are great. I love Russians.

Anita: 18:52

They just great. I love Russians. They just have a lot of history.

Eric: 18:55

I don't like cold places Okay, and Russia, you are cold Okay.

Anita: 19:00

They have vodka.

Eric: 19:01

That's my least favorite alcohol, so it's not a suitable place for me.

Anita: 19:06

Anyways, yes, so in this case, if we say, oh, everyone's go to Russia, I want to go to Paris, and finally we made the conclusions is win for Eric and win for me, then will be the best situation, right, right, if we just choose to go to Paris for example, it will just be win for me, wouldn't be win for Eric. Right.

Anita: 19:27

Okay. So the basic win-win situation you already know Win for you, win for others. The other one is win for the environment everyone involved, exactly everything involved, is also winning so, like the doctors and firefighters situation, win for themselves because they choose the life paths they want, win for others because they save others and win for the world, the world country. They need more than people like this Fire. They need firefighters to save the environment.

Eric: 19:56

Right.

Anita: 19:57

In this case, it's a win-win-win scenario.

Eric: 19:59

Exactly, and these are really good examples of this, and that's why some of these people have the biggest sense of fulfillment. According to statistics, both of them are in the top 10 of the most happy careers that you could have, and there's a reason for it. It's because they have the win-win-win scenario. But this doesn't mean you have to go and quit your job right now and go be a firefighter or be a doctor.

Anita: 20:24

Because that wouldn't be a win for yourself if it's not authentic.

Eric: 20:27

It's not authentic, right. So you need to understand what is your self-value, which? Is what we're going to expand on. This is the key word today and what is it going to connect with? With other people, and how does that connection with other people also relate to the environment that you're in three points with yourself. Then you have created the balance of selflessness and selfishness, In other words, the self right. So that dives into something that I wanted to touch a little bit before we get into value.

Eric: 21:04

I think we're kind of avoiding it a little bit. I want to give it some attention, and that is selflessness. Okay, so let's talk about it. What is selflessness, based on your perspective and perspective of Taiwan?

Anita: 21:19

Selflessness is when you, as a server, you give, you serve others. Simple as that, as a family I already mentioned about. Like in Asian Taiwaneseese culture, selfless is live for others. When you are, you choose your major in college. You should choose the one that makes the most money, has the brighter future, hence why you can support your family, which is the original family again it's close to the family aspect, because it's the most important part of our culture.

Anita: 21:56

So selflessness is basically you made a decision for others, serve others and just put your purpose to others. That's selfless.

Eric: 22:09

Back to the family aspect and also, whatever decision you're making, you are being a good Taiwanese citizen if you are considering a future that relates to or is no matter what connected to your family in some way or another. And this is just a general idea. Right, this isn't for every Taiwanese, but this is something that you can definitely see inside of Taiwanese culture, right? And so now I want to ask you why but I know we don't want to get too deep into that rabbit hole, but what do you think is something that really is pushing this selflessness? Is it because of family saying if you don't do this, we'll all suffer?

Anita: 23:03

Or do you think it could be something completely different? Or what is your opinion For others? We live for others.

Eric: 23:11

Live for others.

Anita: 23:12

Enhance why we can have a bigger and stronger community, a group, any kind of group that you can think about at school family. If the family is all strong and stick together, that means they're good. And if you need to stick together and only stick together as a group, it requires unified everybody, meaning we don't have much space for individual to exist. So most of the decision that we're making is for others, like, oh, we moved to this country because, oh, we moved to this city. Or move here because I live closer to my parents. I can, you know, take care of them. Or the parents move closer to their kids because they wanted to be around when the kids need them. Or, you know, any kind of decision is based on the belief that we believe. The value that we believe is unity.

Eric: 24:10

And unity is not necessarily a bad thing, but unity and selflessness are kind of combined, yeah, in this value that you're talking about. So a root value in taiwan, based on your, your perspective of taiwan, is that that if you want to be a good taiwanese, you need to have this intertwined value of selflessness and unification with your family, no matter what.

Anita: 24:40

Yes.

Eric: 24:40

So they are, no matter what, going to basically be one with each other, and they can't live without each other.

Anita: 24:50

And sacrifice is a very big big part of our culture. Sacrifice is always good.

Eric: 24:59

Yeah, it's similar to selflessness right Right. Yeah, it makes sense. So, yeah, I think if I were to take that and bring it over to the United States is that I would say that selflessness is similar to some phrases or terms that we have in the United States. One of them is being a doormat. That's really common to say towards a lady. For men it's like Mr Nice Guy or yes, man. No.

Eric: 25:24

There's even a movie by Jim Carrey about that kind of perspective on life and these kind of people, and I know quite a few of them. One of my dearest friends lives a life like this, and this kind of lifestyle is based on fear in the United States, and it's not because of the necessity with family, it's more based on the fear that if I don't, then I will be alone, and this is something that is a huge pandemic inside as the opposite of selfishness. Because of that, we're thinking, okay, I must, I'll be a very good american citizen if I say yes to everything, and so this is totally not true. But then again it just comes down to this root again of what is what is self right?

Anita: 26:32

that reminds me of one thing like selflessness also give us the idea, like we don't. We always think we are not good enough if we are not being selfless. So, on the other hand, is we only depending on other people's needs, that if we can provide other people's needs, then I am good? Yes I have value, like you know mother figure.

Anita: 27:01

If I sacrifice enough, being selfless to all of my kids or all my family, I am a good mom, right? So this is like our word, only depending on. I I'm not saying serve others is a bad thing, I'm just saying you only serve that to gain self-value. That's where the problem is.

Eric: 27:25

Right. You're trying to achieve self-value from an outward perspective, so like doing things outside of your inner body to achieve something that only temporarily gives you that sense of achievement. Right.

Eric: 27:40

But in reality, the only way to have value within is to know what your values are and then following those actions. Right, so sometimes you know every day we're probably doing those, you know. But the idea is that do you know what actions you're doing each day that are triggering those, are activating those values inside you? Yeah, that's what we're going to talk about next time. Okay, but yes, great point, very great point. Uh, is there something else that you want to mention here?

Anita: 28:10

yeah, because I think, now that we were going down to this, the biggest question is like how you know, then, you guys are talking about this so much, so what should we do? Right, right. It's about some practice that you can apply to your life, and I just wanted to share one of my personal ideas. Go ahead.

Anita: 28:31

Because I grew up in a family selfless is good, selfish is bad. So I've seen my mother sacrifice herself all the time constantly for children. So right now I don't want to be like that, right, because we are both of us are searching for self-value, and that is about balance. So sometimes, when I was taking care of our son, I do everything for him first in the morning, I prepare his breakfast first, and when it's my turn to eat, the moment I sit down, he will start asking because he already finished his breakfast, right, so he's ready to like play or whatever he wants to do. He will be like mama read or mama play, my instant action react. I would react. And will be like mama read or mama play, my instant action react. I would reaction will be yes, I, I shouldn't be eating right now my baby needs me you know.

Anita: 29:24

So that's what.

Eric: 29:25

What we mentioned about earlier is that it's like a you know, the broken record engraving your brain that you should be this way right if you're not, you are selfish, you are bad, you're equals, you're a bad mother so you already can see right something that's happening unconsciously exactly all the time in your life.

Anita: 29:44

Yeah, isn't that fascinating so fascinating, scary at the same time.

Eric: 29:48

But that's the thing is that you just had a realization, yes, and now that you have the realization, you can take action on it, and that's what we're trying to achieve for everyone listening right now is that what is a moment in your daily life it's happening, it's happening every day, and what is it in your life that is causing you to be selfless, but not in a way that you would enjoy? Right? If you know what that is, then great. Now you know where to start.

Anita: 30:17

Yes. So again, we are not convincing you to choose side, to choose to be selfish all the time or selfless all the time.

Eric: 30:24

No, not at all.

Anita: 30:25

It's about balance. So how do we do this? Just like the example I just mentioned, two things With your conscious effort, you can change, meaning you can make a better choice every time. When you cultivate your attention which, just like Eric mentioned, pay attention to the moment in your life that you are, just you know switch to the reaction. Actually, that's the point that you should be paying attention to and that gives you the second chance to change it. So when I was just about to jump to give up on my breakfast to play with my son, I sit back down because I caught the attention saying no, if I go play with my son right now, I will be fake selfless ah and I don't want that and you will build resentment towards kaya, our son.

Anita: 31:20

Yes, our son and I will be like, oh, I'm sacrificing my, my breakfast, and why you not acting the way I want you to do?

Eric: 31:28

you know the whole judging the whole time yeah, the whole bad, negative cycle starts.

Anita: 31:33

Yeah, what you can do is just simply make the choice. Honey, I'm sorry, you already finished your breakfast and I think Mama deserves a quiet time to finish my breakfast, and when I finish I'll play with you. Simply just say that.

Eric: 31:51

No matter what, there will be a consequence. Yes, but the consequence here is temporary discomfort for the other person. However, you will be in a state of satisfaction and because of that, you will be able to give more positivity later.

Anita: 32:09

So this is the interaction just between you and your son and my son and me. He will learn a little bit discomfort, but he builds respect to others.

Anita: 32:25

Not always about him, him, him, him, him, even though I'm the mother figure. So he will learn self-value. He will learn the characteristic that he has to have to respect others. And once you do more not just in your family with others, people will learn. The previous example about my friend's birthday I built this value. Say, hey, that's the boundary. I need to be who I am first. Then the friend will learn. The next time he will enforce himself to come to my party and build a resentment towards me. And the more you do it, you bring more positive energy to others. The people will start to align with your self-value. It's because you started doing it.

Eric: 33:10

Not only that, but people will also understand your boundary, and those who can respect the boundary will be true friends or true people that you want in your life if they're not yeah oh, I'm just. The last thing I was just gonna say was uh, I know we're both very excited about this.

Eric: 33:28

Yes, yes, the only other thing is that if they respect it, then you are going to also start to have more interactions with people who you actually want to spend time with, because they are respecting you, you're respecting them. You have created this balance inside of your life with people who actually care Right, and so you have become more aligned with not only yourself, but the environment. Your win, win win right All three.

Anita: 33:59

This is a high five here.

Eric: 34:01

Yes. So, that's it right there. So I want to dive into the last topic of today's episode and just keep in mind we're only going to be touching it today. It's going to be surface level. Okay, we're not going to dive deep into this, because it deserves its own episode.

Eric: 34:21

And we respect it that much where we're going to be giving you a complete episode about it. That's values. Okay, so in order to understand yourself, you have to break the self down. Okay, what is the self? And, in reality, self comes down to a couple things, but the biggest thing that we're going to talk about is values, and how do you understand what your values are? And so we're going to bring to another episode.

Eric: 34:54

What is value? What are ways for you to understand your value and how can you go about learning more about your value as time goes on? Because it's not a one day figure out solving situation, because values, just like the self, is huge. Okay, it's in every aspect of your life, and so if you start to understand at least some of them, that means the other ones will easily come to your attention. So if you just practice this and learn from what we're about to teach you in the future episode, trust me, it's totally worth it, because it will completely redirect your life in the direction that you believe inside yourself to be authentic, and that will make this whole selfishness and selflessness problem disappear, because you're no longer looking at the spectrum. The spectrum will disappear, it will just be about what is it that I value right? And that means what is myself? Who am I? I am my values.

Anita: 35:57

Yes. So back to the topic, the selfish and selfless. And then if someone says I would also like to serve others, it's definitely a good behavior right, absolutely.

Anita: 36:09

So back to my examples. If I understand my self-value which is the breakfast examples, my examples if I understand my self-value, which is the breakfast examples, then I will be giving more to my son later on because I satisfied myself. I can have more love, more positive energy to give to others. So this is the balance of it. But if you are seeing yourself having a difficult time to, for example, open up to others or to serve others, there are some ideas that you can. There's some practice that you can do to your life, because you know that's what we are here for. We are, we're here to serve. Right? If today, like I don't remember how many times that, when we are not feeling ourselves, we say we're not doing this episode because we wouldn't be sending out the positive energy, absolutely because we'll be like, oh my god, I'm so tired. Why am I doing this? Right? That's so many times. That's the idea that I have in my head it'sless.

Anita: 37:13

Yes, so there are a few ways that you can do which is keep yourself some inspiration. There are a few things that you can do. The first one is engaging the art, like it just gives you a life, different perspective. Like, oh my God, I've never, because most of the arts they are like beyond the reality world. So, they give you a different perspective and learning something new, learning a new language, learning a new language, experience, exot ic food.

Eric: 37:47

Yes.

Anita: 37:48

This kind of new experience.

Eric: 37:50

Yes.

Anita: 37:50

Right.

Eric: 37:51

Absolutely.

Anita: 37:52

Yes, and the last one is my personal favorite when I don't, when I just don't you know just when I've noticed myself closed up, I also act on selfish behavior, but in a negative way. Okay, so this one I found myself like this I will always go outside to nature, because when you go to nature, you're just like we are part of the world. And this world is so big. What am I doing with myself in my own room?

Eric: 38:24

your face is so funny. I love it.

Anita: 38:26

T hat's my realization face, that's.

Anita: 38:28

That's always very quick fix for this kind of closed up, narrow-mindedminded idea about you know, like being selfish or like have all these questions about what is my self-value. You know those kind of things. You just go outside, have fresh air, seeing some nature, and then, yeah, you're given new life experience and then those are all beyond self. Then you started to figure it out. Oh, you open up the possibility and then you are all beyond self. Then you started to figure it out. Oh, you open up the possibility. Then you start thinking about what is really self. So keep in mind, this is not just like one-time homework. It's not like you figure it out one time and you're just going to do it for the rest of your life. It's constantly changing. Oh yeah.

Anita: 39:10

Constant practice. That's why it's really beautiful, because you learn new things all the time about yourself.

Eric: 39:17

That's so true and it's great because, no matter what, if you are waking up every day and you're learning something new, that means you have grown and involved just a bit more to understanding yourself on this deeper level. Our intention here is for you to deep dive into the self quickly so that you can take a lot of those extra steps out of the way, because if you understand self first and you work from there, then every other step afterwards is going to be a piece of cake, because you're going to be following the inner map, your heart Right. And so Hanina made some examples. I just want to give you a clarification of some that we would love. So, if you want to do art, one of our great listeners, fifi shout out to her is an artist that we will be doing a little video on Taiwanica Instagram for everyone to see.

Eric: 40:10

If you want to see some great art. That's a great example for food, exotic food. If you live in taichung, or if you want to go to taichung, you gotta try bella roma as an example of exotic food, authentic italian food made by a local italian named mario great guy. You must drink in order to buy it, though, so just keep in mind that you will have a have to have a glass of wine with it, but totally worth it.

Anita: 40:39

Yes, One glass is not enough. Oh my gosh.

Eric: 40:42

This lady, and she doesn't even drink, which is surprising. And then, with languages, you know where to look for Amazing Talker with Anita and Eric. We're always here for you to improve your language and your emotional healing skills your language and your emotional healing skills. So these are definitely avenues that you can easily walk down to order to understand the self even more. If you want to look for things that are free, oh man, just make some great food yourself. Go down to nature like.

Eric: 41:07

Anita said or paint your own painting, because it's no matter what, you will achieve this self-realization. So that's the only thing else I wanted to say.

Anita: 41:18

Yes, thank you so much, eric.

Eric: 41:20

Yes, and thank you, anita. I think today was a wonderful episode.

Anita: 41:24

Definitely. I'm pretty sure this will give you new ideas about how to live your life, because our main purpose for this episode is to break free from those just two.

Eric: 41:37

you know, the gray area area, yeah, this whole spectrum right, yes, the whole spectrum right, just get out of this gray zone of like, what if I'm doing this? Am I doing that because this question alone is worry in other words, it's fear, and fear is just false evidence appearing real, and so if you're thinking that that is actually you, let me tell you it's not okay so just realize that you are trying your best to be who you want to be figuring out what your self-value is is far more important than being selfish or selfless exactly, and once you know what that is then being selfish in some moments and selfless Exactly, and once you know what that is, then being selfish in some moments and selfless in other moments makes sense, you know why you're doing it which is realization once again.

Anita: 42:26

What a great episode.

Eric: 42:27

Yes, great episode. Glad you're all here to listen to it. If you liked it, definitely give us a thumbs up on Spotify or leave us a comment on Apple Podcasts. That would be awesome. Yes. And then, yeah, you know where to find us on Instagram and buymeacoffeecom for any support. We love coffee. We're actually drinking bubble milk tea these days, so if you want to help us get some boba in my belly, you can still support us on buymeacoffeecom. Forward slash Taiwanica. Okay, we'll see you next time. Bye, bye-bye.